I stay very busy. As a matter of fact I am never NOT busy. And that's ok. I'm not complaining. But I guess I started having these weird feeling because of my youngest son. I'm having one of his medications changed, well I actually did have it changed. His first day taking it will be tomorrow, so that I will have all weekend to see how it effects him. Reading the side affects is scary. But I also read the side affects of the now "old" medication and they are equally scary. He's ADHD, but he has some bipolar tendencies. He hasn't been officially diagnosed, but they are hoping that his new meds will help ease his mood changes. He's not like this at home. He's a "normal" kid at home, but at school or when he stays off it's totally different.
His last "episode" was just the other day. My son works off of an internal schedule. He has things made up in his mind, and they have to go in a certain order. Change is extremely hard for him!Well it's a huge deal for him to finish his homework before he comes home (not my rule, it's HIS rule). Well this particular day, he ran out of time. When the teacher was trying to tell him that there wasn't enough time, that set him off. It saddens me to see him that way. I just wish that whatever he feels on the inside, I could just snatch it from him. I mean really, I'm an adult. I have been through hell and back. I have a full plate, and it is running over. But for my children, I will add more on my plate, no questions asked. He's an awesome kid. I just want to take all of his overwhelming emotions away from him.
When you are a good parent, you can't help but feel helpless. You can't help but wonder if it's something that you have done, or should have done. When we are at home I always do things in a certain order for him, there aren't any surprises. I know that life doesn't work that way, surprises happen. But for him, he has to be eased into certain things. Maybe it will get a lot better when he is older, maybe it won't. But either way, I am going to be there every step of the way!
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